I hope that your New Year is off to a fantastic start! In the season of New Year’s resolutions, I want to explore our relationship to change. I have also included a couple of practice updates at the end, but first, let’s dive in.
The header of this email may have taken you by surprise….the drug of excitement. What I am talking about here is not excitement itself but chasing it. Seeking excitement, like a “high”, in a way that you can’t live without it. That may sound a bit extreme, but a lot of us relate to feeling most alive only when change is either happening or anticipated. Just like excitement, which is not innately a problem, change is not only good, but often necessary. But when our sense of aliveness depends on change, and we don’t stop long enough to enjoy and savor even the most recent changes we have made, that’s a problem. So, if this has your name on it, like it does me, we need to ask ourselves what happened to feeling content with our life exactly as it is, at least once in a while? What are we avoiding? What are we missing out on?
In terms of avoidance, maybe it’s about not wanting to feel restless or bored. Sadly, we are then lost to the opportunity that each provide; boredom that gives way to creativity and restlessness that offers us a chance to employ calming practices.
But perhaps what’s most important to reflect upon is what you and I miss when living from the paradigm of “What’s next?”. For many of us, it is a lot. When we relentlessly focus on “moving forward”, we keep ourselves from feeling the profound sense of ease and calm that comes from stillness. Inner peace that provides insights into the dis-ease, in the form of angst and anxiety, that we walk around thinking is normal. We also miss out on discovering how much each present moment has to offer, which is ironic, since what we hope to get in some future experience may be sitting right in front of us. Thich Nhat Hanh said it beautifully…..
“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
A life filled with clarity, acceptance, joy, peace and love simply by letting each moment unveil its treasures to us…now that is something to get excited about. Possibilities embedded in the very life we are living that have always been there. We just weren’t.
Let’s imagine putting this to the test. Something super simple. Picture looking out at a gloomy day. Your first thought might be “Yuck!” with a second thought, something like, “How can I avoid the rain?” But instead of staying indoors, waiting for the rain clouds to pass, you step outside, surprised by how refreshing the drops of moisture feel on your skin, delighted as you take in the sounds of songbirds relishing the rain and maybe, if you exchange a smile at a neighbor passing by, you even enjoy a moment of feeling the warmth of human connection. Your gloomy moment transforms.
So, in my wish to you for a Happy New Year, what I truly want for each and all of us is the transformational discovery that what lies within us and before us is magnificent, even when life is hard. I propose that our best relationship to change is about finding that sweet spot where there is enough change to prevent stagnation but not so much that we miss out what happens when we truly stop and smell the roses. And who knows, maybe you and I will even fall in love with the very life we were so eager to change. Below are a couple of practice ideas to help….
- Slow down. Your breath, your day, the number of activities, your words…. you name it. As we make this shift, it is near impossible not to feel more, see more, and discover more.
- Engage strongly with your life and live each moment as if there is nowhere else to be. Maybe for you this looks like savoring your moment-to-moment experience more deeply by being in touch with your senses and by ignoring the chatter of your mind. For many, it is about engaging with others differently, such as offering better attention, less distraction, greater vulnerability, more honesty and transparency.
- Check yourself when considering change. Reflect upon whether or not you are chasing a fantasy and/or seeking an experience that could actually be found in your present life.
- Surround yourself with environments and people that create a sense of vitality, aliveness and feeling fully present.
On the practice front, click here to listen to the latest podcast I had the pleasure of participating in. It’s called Living to 100, and our focus was Wakefulness: A Key to Thriving vs. Surviving.
Also, we are at the beginning stages of holding our first ever international couples retreat in Costa Rica in the fall of 2023. Differently than before, it is more of an application type of process. If you are interested, please reach out to me. We are also in the developmental stages of a retreat, based on my book, “River to Ocean: Living in the Flow of Wakefulness“. For those of you interested in checking out my book, click here for the Amazon link or here for a link to my website where you can also purchase it.
With love,
Katherine