There is nothing like the experience of feeling hopeful. Moments like an act of tenderness from a stranger that restore our faith in humanity or seeing the choice of forgiveness and the healing that unfolds. Or when our heart soars, seeing a wrong made right or even a sunrise that invites us into a brand new day that has yet to be discovered. And though we feel energized and optimistic when hopeful, hope can arrive and leave far too quickly, often because our hopes are based in circumstances beyond our control. Living on a roller coaster of hopefulness and hopes dashed can lead many to take the stance of trying not to be hopeful at all. How often have you heard or said, “I’m not going to get my hopes up”.
So what would it be to have an abiding sense of hopefulness? To be less and less dependent upon positive circumstances to experience hope? Is this idea magical thinking? Would it ask of us to pretend everything is ok when it is not? The answer, I believe, is no. Sustaining hope is not impossible nor does it require you or I to pretend. But it does require us to be intentional, focused and practiced.
Here are some ways to generate hopefulness in yourself:
- Reframe adversity; Focus on the resilience, courage, creativity and perseverance that can emerge from hardship and difficulty. When we do this, hope is based on our capacities, not from the absence of adversity. Capacities that we can strengthen and see in others.
- Ask your future self to talk to your current self; During our hardest and most hopeless times, most of us would have been greatly helped to have heard a voice from within gently reminding us that good and powerful stuff lies ahead. We just couldn’t see it. I know the despairing, suicidal 16 year old that was me sure could have used words from my future self like…”I know it’s so hard right now, but it’s gonna get a lot better. You can trust me”.
- Listen to inspirational music; Not only can music touch something deep within us, if we choose songs with lyrics that inspire hope, not only do we feel more hopeful, but we are gifted by feeling less alone.
- Check your story; If you feel hopeless, ask yourself whether or not your feelings are coming from direct experience or from a hopeless narrative. Stories like “I will never be happy, find love, be able to trust”, etc. Keep it honest, of course, but when you change the story, you’ll change your experience.
- Gate keep what gets into your psyche. This is likely a reminder but make sure to do the good work of protecting your inner world from an imbalance of fear, danger and negativity that is in the news and the world around us. Balance the tough stuff with that which gives you hope and joy.
- Reinforce hope; When you feel hopeful, stay with it. Take a few deep breaths and see where you feel hope in your body. Add images in your mind and consider sharing the moment with someone.
- Practice mindfulness; Hopelessness is all about the future, which has not happened yet. Try to let the future stay in the future and not compromise the present moment.
- Finally, offer hope to someone; Be that ransom act of kindness knowing that you as you create hope in someone else, you foster hopefulness within yourself.